When an argument arises between two people it's rarely about the last thing either person said or did or didn't say or didn't do. It's most always about an accumulation of feelings. Feelings that have been building over time, simmering, settling, and rising to the top again. Then the feelings boil over. Spill out. Words are exchanged. Tears are shed.
It's not about the spilled milk. It's not about misplaced vehicle keys. Not about forgotten groceries items, dead car batteries or who's turn it is to feed the cat.
It is about feelings.
We each own our feelings. When a person says "I feel" at the beginning of a sentence, they own the words that follow, they truly feel them as part of their current emotional sense of being. They are not lying, they don't need to get over them. They are speaking the truth they currently feel.
I feel loved in our relationship. I feel lonely in our relationship. I feel happy in our relationship. I feel ignored, and unimportant in our relationship.
When feelings have boiled over and an argument surfaces that is the moment to take time to sit and listen, to sit and talk. Each person sharing how they feel from their perspective. Open hearts and open minds. Each person taking ownership for their part of the argument and striving to truly understand each other.
Overcoming arguments takes trust, love, and balance, along with a handful of other helpful words that add goodness to the conversation.
...
No comments:
Post a Comment