Be My Valentine

It all began in the 6th grade, my life-long passion with writing love letters. His name was Scott Torgerson and he was the older brother of one of my childhood friends, Denise. He was in high school and it was the classic tale of a young girl who was just coming to the age where boys were now recognized as being different and not just pals. When he was around me and would give me the time of day the stars I saw in the older boys eyes seemed to come for the very heavens themselves, I was smitten in love. Head over heels in love with my first crush, and I found myself driven to write all my feelings down. I must write him and tell him all about my new found feelings.

I would compose a letter and neatly fold it so that it was one piece of paper wrapped in its own envelope, and the next time I was over visiting Denise, I would leave it in his room on his desk. I wonder what I could learn from those early letters. What did my first crush teach my younger self and how did it affect my life path? Those letters, those notes are for sure long gone, perhaps lasting a day in his possession. But I still wonder.

I do know that for the longest time the only way for me to communicate with a boy was through a letter. Even into my young adult life I found it hard to express my feelings without the shield of the pen and paper. I might have appeared to be a forward speaking only child, but that was only the outside view. On the inside I was and still am to some extent, shy or a better way to put it would be that I am afraid of rejection and I am always seeking approval from those around me.

If I write something to somebody then I don't have to be around to see the reaction on their face. I can live in ignorant bliss that my message was delivered and well received. Of course my relationship with the written word has come a long way since then, it still is nowhere near perfect and misspellings sneak their way into my letters and writings all the time. But writing letters still holds my heart fast in its joy.

For him I was just his little sister’s pesky friend. He never wrote me back even though I remember asking him to, nor did he encourage me, and soon my first crush faded into my first kiss with Randy Jacobson. But for me it was the start of my loving relationship with letters. Love letters, pen pal letters, and using the hand written word to keep in contact.

Happy Valentine’s Day! Keep those words of love coming my way and I will be sure to return the gesture with gratitude.