I am

I am afraid to start.

I am afraid to fail.

Afraid to be let down gently or with a thud, the sound of my heart hitting the floor below is unmistakable and the suffering rips me apart from the inside out.   

Scarring all but my distrust.   

Afraid to hope against the odds that I will not fall short nor be inadequate in your eyes.

Fear holds me fast and keeps me at arm’s length from your embrace.  Far away from any pain.

I am afraid to start ~ afraid to be let down.